weddings

August 16, 1980

August 16, 1980

Today's bride and groom
Today’s bride and groom

Watching another couple vow to share their lives forever on the fifth anniversary of the day I made that same promise to John caused me to reflect on exactly what that meant, five years down the line.  (For the record, today’s groom was the soloist at our wedding.)

“Just the Way You Are” was an excellent choice for where John and I were in our marriage, then.
“Just the Way You Are” was an excellent choice for where John and I were in our marriage, then.

Here are a few of the lyrics with my commentary. Billy Joel wrote it for his first wife; they are long divorced.

Lyric & Photo 1

The applicable lyrics are “unspoken passion – although I might not seem to care”. As the diary entry makes clear, “spoken passion” wasn’t the norm for John and me. On this anniversary, John admitted to being happier with me, lately.  So, you could say that he “might not seem to care.

Lyric and Photo 2

John and I met six months before we wed and we didn’t know each other all that well. I had a baby early in his third year of law school, adding to the overall stress when he had to pass the bar. When we got married after his first year in law school, nobody thought we’d last a year. So, I think that qualifies as times of trouble.

Lyric & Photo 3

These are the lines that matter and they’re as true today as they were on our fifth anniversary and the day we got married. We’re all looking for someone we can talk to – and I found that when I met John.

I found that when I met John

 

As of today, we’ve been married 46 years.

Married 46 years

 

November 27, 2016

November 27, 2016

After such a rocky start, the last thing I expected was a magical wedding – but then, all of my expectations were wrong. I figured spotty attendance, at best. Aside from John, how many lunatics would brave freezing roads and icy wives to witness nuptials?

Sharon & Phil Wedding

A whole lot, it turned out. When two people as well-loved as Phil and Sharon wed, their collective iPhone contacts show up en masse. When Sharon walked down the aisle in a gorgeous traditional white gown, I was moved to tears. There was something so unique and poignant about two people (in my own demographic yet!)  who got lucky and found love again.

The Newlyweds

Phil & Sharon Wedding

And how about the Tenaya Lodge, dusted with snow as the sun flickered toward twilight? I can’t imagine a more stunning site for a winter wedding. Surrounded by so much beauty, I felt compelled to  snap a selfie or two while waiting for the reception to start.

Selfie at the wedding

The hits kept on coming.  The bride and groom’s adult children were all ecstatic about the union because it made their parents so happy. The DJ played music I loved and and adorable grandchildren danced in wedding attire. John and I were seated at a table packed with fascinating people and lively conversation. Even the food was good!
Our table

Last but not least, in a rare moment of clarity I conceded most likely I wouldn’t have finished  the great American novel if I’d stayed home instead of attending the wedding.  John refrained from saying “I told you so” in words.

Phil & Sharon's family
Phil & Sharon’s family
The Bride & Groom
The Bride & Groom

March 7, 1980


March 7, 1980

My favorite bridesmaid dress - for the Mary Bennett/Jack de Nove nuptials in 1980
My favorite bridesmaid dress – for the Mary Bennett/Jack Denove nuptials in 1980

I served as a bridesmaid six times – all after being a bride myself – and this was by far the best dress. I was far crueler to the five women who participated in my wedding (below). The lace overlay, garden party hats, puffed sleeves – any one of these might be an unpardonable fashion sin – put them all together and this is what you get.

The dresses I forced my bridesmaids to wear (l to r - Joyce Knutsen Salter, Sandy Walker Hegwood, Janet Knusten McCann, Mary Bennett deNove, Denise Gail Williams) Picture on the left
The dresses I forced my bridesmaids to wear (l to r – Joyce Knutsen Salter, Sandy Walker Hegwood, Janet Knusten McCann, Mary Bennett Denove, Denise Gail Williams) Picture on the left

In my defense, the year was 1975 and I’d go with five different colors again today. I doubt my bridesmaids wore their dresses again aside from the occasional costume party.

Me as bridesmaid, Sam as flower girl, in emerald-green themed dresses.
Me as bridesmaid, Sam as flower girl, in themed dresses.

While it’s an honor to be asked to serve as a bridesmaid – and I don’t mind admitting I was miffed on a few occasions when I thought I’d be an integral part of the wedding party only to find myself seated on the brides’s side with the rest of her friends who didn’t rate – it’s not all fun and games.

Wedding

Engaging with the bride
Engaging with the bride
My sister Joyce put me in this dress for her 1980 wedding (with Denise Gail Williams)
My sister Joyce put me in this dress for her 1980 wedding (with Denise Gail Williams)

Standing up for your friend as she/he exchanges vows with the person they plan to spend their lives with becomes uncomfortable when you’ve got a strong intuition this union won’t survive the sniffles, forget until death do us part. I’ve been there and I’m usually right.

Other pictures of me in Mary Bennett's bridesmaid dress
Other pictures of me in Mary Bennett’s bridesmaid dress

Not always, though. No outsider can fully grasp another couple’s relationship because we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. One of my cynical writing professors told me not to bother justifying why two mismatched people stay together in misery all their lives. “The same reason most relationships stick together. Inertia and fear of change.” Dramatically, he’s probably right. Realistically, he’s probably right about a lot of couples – but not all. I’ll never give up on the romantic ideal of people who promise “till death do us part” and mean it with their whole heart.